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Last night I was looking on in the internet and figured out that Penguins are the Loon’s fat cousins. I did not read anything to support this; I just figured it out on my own.
Why do I believe this?
First, they both have black and white feathers and a black beak.
Second, they both have long torsos which are rare in the bird world.
Finally, both have solid bones for diving for fish, while most birds have hollow bones.
This is conclusive proof of my non-researched claim.
The way I see it, there was a group of Loons that were really into watching Benson, because that was the only thing on, and South America does not have good TV. Then, Mexico got a Doritos factory and the Loons kept going to the dumpster and for some reason they did not get cancer or diabetes from all the crap they were eating.
Disney had some cruise featuring Benson, the Broadway Show, and the overweight Loons were the only ones that were boring enough to get tickets. From there they probably took a break to watch the filming of that Anthony Hopkins movie, The Bounty. Once down there, their eggs started hatching. The chicks were fat and out of shame they never returned to Minnesota .
So children, get off the couch, get outside, and get lost in the woods. You don’t want to end up like the Loons ugly, fat secret.